


A Demon Walks into the Grocery Store

by anarchycox



Series: Missing: Four Demons (If Found Return to Hell) [8]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Feels, Humour, JUST KISS ALREADY, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Snark, grocery day, merlin is a really good house demon(wife), merlin tries to lie, slight problem though he can't lie, they have very confusing feelings about each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 14:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18994708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Merlin does all his errands on Thursday. He has a routine. Eggsy is home unexpectedly. And wants to join him. Oh yeah, this is gonna go great.Set not too long after Demon Sebastian got back to Hell by Merlin.





	A Demon Walks into the Grocery Store

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elrhiarhodan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/gifts).



> I was having a rough day and needed to write something that amused me. And then feels fell into the mix. My thanks to my dear friend and fellow word person elrhiarhodan for the prompt.

“Hey, just got a text from Harry, power is out at the shop. Main busted, whole block is out. Guess I get a bonus day off.” Eggsy was tapping away at his phone as Merlin refilled his coffee for him.

“Days off are nice, what are your plans?” Merlin looked at the clock. Eggsy was usually out the door in about 30 minutes, and he started his errands 20 minutes after that.

“Dunno, not used to unexpected free time,” Eggsy put his phone down. “What are you doing today?”

Merlin looked at him in horror. “No.”

“What, I just asked what you were up to today?”

“Yes, but that carries the implication that you may involve yourself in my plans. I do not want you to involve yourself in my plans.” Merlin took Eggsy’s plate and mug away. “Go out, and stupidly jump off rooftops.”

“It’s not stupid.”

“Yes it is. Jumping off rooftops and fire escapes, and all that running and leaping is very stupid. I do not care that it keeps your thighs an attractive shape, you will die and then I have to go home. I am not ready for my vacation to end.”

“That’s all my death would mean to you, end to your trip above?” Eggsy’s lip quivered, and he ducked his head to hide a tear.

“You are faking,” Merlin replied. “I watched you cry during Coco. That is not how your face falls apart when you are sad.”

Eggsy met his gaze. “Tell me what you are doing today.”

“No, my day. You play video games or watch porn.”

“Merlin, is your day involving something that would disappoint me?”

Merlin latched onto that, and decided to try out the lying lessons Harry had been giving him. He was pretty sure he had the idea down. “Yes, exactly that. I will be...leading children astray. Doing horrible things to them, and their psyche. Getting them involved with loose women, and gin speakeasies, and cigars. I will be making a 7 year old boy in west london smoke a fine Cuban cigar as he bets on the horses.”

“Fucking hell, I thought Harry was giving you lying lessons,” Eggsy was clearly impressed at how well Merlin sold that. “That was the most bullshit thing I’ve ever heard.” Or not. Bugger he tried to remember what Harry had said about details. Yes, keep it simple.

“I’m going to fuck your mother, corrupt her soul completely,” Merlin didn’t care how he sounded, he was that desperate.

“Merlin, would you like to take that lie back now? You really wasted your first two lies like that?” 

Merlin slumped. “I know. Harry insists I can learn how to lie, but it just seems so pointless. Why do it? It sounds idiotic. And I especially cannot lie to you. Those words actually made the human form feel pain low in its stomach. Why did it do that, Eggsy? Why does the form grow upset when I lie to you?”

“Oh my god, you are growing a fucking conscience. We are watching Pinocchio. You can learn so many lessons from that one.” 

“I’ve watched it. The whale would have digested them.” Merlin looked at Eggsy. “I do not think I’ll lie again. It is bothersome.”

“You have to try small. Try to say a tiny lie about how my new track suit looks on me,” Eggsy encouraged.

“It doesn’t ruin your arse as much as some of the others.”

“See, you think it ruins my arse as much as the others, that was a lie that worked. Good job!”

“You are trying to train me to humanity’s worst impulses, with the same tone you use to teach JB how to play dead. And that wasn’t a lie. It was the truth.” Merlin took their dishes to the sink, and washed them up. “You’ve been very busy with Harry, learning to make a suit. Don’t you just want to chillax today?”

“Never say chillax again, where the hell did you even get that word?”

“I researched slang on the wikipedia. It suggested it was an outmoded word, but I liked it,” Merlin pouted a bit. “I need to get ready.”

“For what?” Eggsy pressed.

“It is errand day.”

“Errand day?” 

“Yes the magic day the shelves are restocked. The day where you go,  _ oh sick caramel tim tams! _ It is every Thursday. And my car will be here in 25 minutes.”

“I’ll come along!”

And there were the words that Merlin had hoped not to hear. “I have a routine.”

“I won’t get in the way, and won’t having an extra pair of hands be, well, handy?”

“No.”

“Merlin, I’m coming along. You never buy enough biscuits."

“I am aware you think so, but if I buy the amount you think we require, you will then complain about eating too many, and then go and jump off buildings to work them off. I dislike when you jump off buildings, so I limit the biscuit factor of the house. It took me weeks to figure out your digestive routine enough to supply a reasonable amount of sugar and chocolate to your system.”

“That is the sweetest and creepiest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me. And seriously trying to think. I haven’t done the groceries in what 4 months?”

“5. You gave me access to the accounts because you got tired of having to leave me money on the counter. I like my debit card. I follow the budget carefully. There is a buy one get one on bog paper today. We will be stocked for months.” Merlin looked Eggsy dead in the eye, “You will stay home. Or you will face my wrath.”

**********************************************

“Merlin, you have a friend with you,” the driver was rather shocked as he held the door open. 

“Ibrahim, this is Eggsy. Eggsy, this is my weekly driver Ibrahim. He has a day off and is ‘tagging along for the funsies’,” Merlin’s voice was dark and betrayed. He couldn’t believe Eggsy had just laughed at his threats, and invited himself along.

“Welcome, Eggsy. This is my favourite job of the week. Merlin is a joy, you know.”

Merlin didn’t like the way that Eggsy laughed at that. He slid in the car and tried to shut the door before Eggsy could get in but Eggsy’s foot stopped it, and he was in the back with Merlin. Fine, just fine. Eggsy along on his routine. “Route three today, Ibrahim. Aldi’s is having the best sales.”

“The bog paper?” Ibrahim smiled. “I now read the flyers every Thursday morning. Match my shopping to Merlin’s. My wife can’t believe how much we’ve been saving. We’re going to be able to have a weekend away to Brighton in a couple months. Kids are looking forward to it.”

“How did Omar’s maths test go?” Merlin asked and ignored the wide eyes Eggsy was giving them. Ibrahim slid into the traffic with ease and rattled on about his children, and Merlin interjected with comments occasionally until they pulled up to Aldi’s.

“The usual forty minutes?” Ibrahim asked. They had pulled into a one hour parking spot.

Merlin gave Eggsy a fearsome look. “I would allow a 10 minute leeway.”

“Hey, I’m not here to mess up your routine, just had nothing to do today.”

“I suggested video games and pornography.”

“Merlin!”

Ibrahim laughed. “I just bought a Switch for the children. I am banned from Mario Kart, they declared my job gave me too much an edge. Enjoy Aldi’s!” He opened the book that had been on the seat next to him, and settled in.

Merlin went into the store, and tried to ignore Eggsy. “Shit, look at that sale. We should pick that up.” But it seemed Eggsy was going to make it hard to ignore him.

“That is oatmeal. You do not like oatmeal, therefore the sale is irrelevant.”

“I like oatmeal, it is a good just in case meal,” Eggsy protested.

“You had one sad packet that was three years expired. You haven’t even lived in that house that long. That means you moved an expired pack of oatmeal from its original location. It is a dry good, you would have had it two years prior to that for it to expire. We are not cluttering my shelves with oatmeal.” Merlin pointed at him. “Endcaps are a trap. I learned that in my first month. They are designed to entice, to seduce. You think yes I need this box of Cheerios bigger than Daisy, but then you get it home and realize that Honey Nut Cheerios are repulsive and leave a film on your teeth. They are clearly some of our best work, bringing about greed and gluttony. We say no to endcaps.”

Merlin pushed his cart through the aisles and debated dispatching Eggsy. Sure he had sent that message home, that no demon was ever to touch Eggsy, but that didn’t include him. Because if he heard, ‘do we need this?’ one more time it was justifiable. “I have a list,” Merlin said when he was asked about nut mix.

“I don’t see one.”

“I memorize it every week,” Merlin said. He slammed the two 24 roll bog paper packages into Eggsy’s arms. “Carry these. We are off schedule.” Merlin went to the bakery area, and picked up bread for that night. “There we are finished.” He wheeled the cart to the lanes, looked about. They were running late, and Kathy had two full carts. Aiysha was available, but it was the third Thursday her nails were just redone, and she’d be a fraction slower than usual. Davis was chatty but getting faster, he would suffice. He went and began unloading the groceries. 

“Hey, Merlin, you have company today,” Davis said and began ringing him through. “You see the game the other night?”

“We are never to speak of that demonic match again.”

“I know, it was hell on earth,” Davis agreed. “I swear, my nephew understands offside better than the gunners these days, and he is two.”

“This time are all going to enjoy the pit when their time comes.”

“I hear that. They are collecting yellow cards, like kids collect Pokemon. Good, you got the bog paper, hell of a deal or what?”

“Indeed. I also have my points,” Merlin said.

“Nice, mate.” Davis finished scanning, and held it out. Merlin held his phone up with the grocery store app. “Extra ten quid off.”

“Excellent,” Merlin smiled, well pleased. They had saved a good bit of money this week.

“Not supposed to say, but flash sale this weekend on roasts. Almost half price Saturday and Sunday only. No online information, you’d have to come into the store to know.” Davis gave him a wink, and Merlin nodded.

“Thank you, Davis, have a good day.” Merlin drove the cart back to the area and picked up the three bags. Eggsy was following with the bog paper, a stunned look on his face. “What? Are you wanting the roast, I can come in?"

“You made small talk with a cashier.” Eggsy was frowning. “You talk about his kids with the driver.”

“Ibrahim,” Merlin reminded him. “Being polite to the cashiers gets me the inside information on sales. How do you think we have those new plates?”

“We have new plates?”

Merlin sighed. “Yes, the serving ones? The blue?” Merlin shook his head. “I work my arse off to set a nice table for you and you don’t even bloody notice. I am sure you noticed the nice locations Sebastian took you to.”

Eggsy dropped the bog paper. “Okay, what was that?”

Merlin wasn’t sure, “I don’t know. But we are already behind. Move along, Eggsy.” He did not like the feeling low in his stomach, and decided to ignore it. “We are running behind and are expected at locations.” When he approached the car, Ibrahim opened the boot. 

“Have the cooler with packs for you, Merlin.” 

“Thank you, Ibrahim, I appreciate it.” Merlin put the bag with the chill produce and meat into the cooler, and pushed the rest back, to make room for the bog paper. “Sale on roasts this weekend.”

“Wonderful, the mother in law is visiting. I’ll do that rub you suggested, blow her mind.”

“You exchange recipes?” Eggsy sounded faint.

“Ibrahim is the reason we have have had that stew with the lentils.”

“Bugger, I love that stew.”

Ibrahim beamed at Eggsy, “the trick is the right yogurt marinade on the chicken. Get that wrong, it all falls apart.”

“It is brilliant,” Eggsy swore.

“Thank you,” Ibrahim said. “To the next stop?”

“Of course,” Merlin replied. It was only a few blocks, but just far enough the drive was logical. 

“Coffee shop? Didn’t Aldi’s have that huge tin of coffee on sale?” Eggsy asked. Both Merlin and Ibrahim groaned. “What?” Eggsy looked between them.

“That is not coffee,” Ibrahim said, appalled, “that is sadness in a tin.”

“Does the job,” Eggsy protested.

“This does the job better,” Merlin replied and they went into the coffee shop.

“Merlin!” the woman at the counter waved. “Bit late today?”

“I have company,” Merlin complained. Eggsy waved, and looked around the shop. “He suggested I should have bought Folgers.”

“Oh, no,” the woman made a face. “That stuff is just nasty and unethical.”

“I don’t get it,” Eggsy said.

“I research coffee. I enjoy it. What this shop sells is sourced from ethical trade companies. No slavery or poor pay, all grown with the environment in mind,” Merlin explained. “My using coupons and the flyers at the first stop tells us which coffee and how much we can buy here.”

“We have a new roast in, really smooth. Want a taste?”

“Sure,” Eggsy said, and took the sample she offered. “I like?”

“You can’t really tell a difference can you?” Merlin shook his head, and tried his sample. He could exhilaration of the field worker who found out he was going to be a father, the despair of another over their dying aunt, and a host of other feelings. Two of the people who made this coffee happen would end up in his division. It was also just a little sweet. “I like it,” he decided. “A small bag of that, plus the usual.”

“Used your points at Aldi’s?”

“You know it.”

“What the fuck?” Eggsy whispered. “Seriously, what the fuck?”

Merlin reached into the small billfold he carried, and pulled out his stamp card. “Three more, and we get a free bag,” he was excited about that. “Coarse grind, please.”

“Of course, Ibrahim want the usual?”

“Hmm,” Merlin said, and then the beans were ready and two cups put in front of him. The woman kept looking at Eggsy, who was just standing there. “She wants to know what you would like to drink Eggsy.”

“Oh, umm, latte?”

“Coming right up,” she said, barely looking as she worked the machine well used to it. “See you next week, Merlin!”

“Merlin,” Eggsy was whispering as they left. “Merlin, are you luring all these souls, like Seb tried to do to me?”

Merlin was downright insulted. “I do not lure. She’s an atheist, she wouldn’t even end up in hell.”

“Wait, what?”

“Eggsy, hell is for those who believe it in. Most of the afterlife is. The devil is real, we are real. God is real. We know this, but...they don’t tread where they aren’t wanted.”

“I don’t get it.”

“If you don’t believe, hell serves no point. Your soul just scatters across the universe. If you believe in reincarnation, you make another trip through. And if you believe in heaven and hell, you end up in one of them.” Merlin shrugged. “I have no time for someone who doesn’t believe.”

“Yeah, but like you could show them.”

“Then they’d know, that isn’t the same as believing.” Merlin went to the car, and gave Ibrahim his cup of coffee. “Ibrahim, my friend here is having an existential crisis over the afterlife.”

“It is too early in the day for such conversations,” Ibrahim said.

“Do you believe in something after?” Eggsy asked, curious.

“I believe Allah loves all his children, but we fuck up plenty,” Ibrahim replied. “We make choices, and in the end what happens, happens.”

“That pretty sanguine.”

“To do good, just in fear of hell, that is not good, that is a bargain. Do good because it is right, and whatever greets you at the end, will be what greets you.”

“I’ve heard worse ideas,” Eggsy admitted. “This is fun, maybe I’ll take every Thursday morning off.”

“Yes it is fun, having your partner look like he wants to murder you,” Ibrahim looked at Merlin. “His serious face, is even more serious today.”

“We are off pace,” Merlin replied. “With three more stops.”

“Wouldn’t it make sense to drop the groceries at home, or save them for last?” Eggsy asked. “I know you have a cooler back there but still.”

“If it is last then I don’t know if we have enough money for the coffee, or the other stops. All other stops on errand morning are dependent on how well the grocery store goes, and it would leave too much of a carbon footprint, all the back and forth. This is the most efficient route. Ibrahim and I planned it carefully.”

“He used to have a few drivers,” Ibrahim explained, “But I am the only one he didn’t scare away. I like his sense of order.”

“Okay, so where next?”

“The bookstore,” Merlin and Ibrahim both said.

“Oh lord, more romance novels,” Eggsy groaned. “You’ve filled your bookshelves. Thought you were using the library.”

“I was, but we are momentarily at sixes and sevens.”

“What did the mean library do? I thought you were over your mad about  _ Gone with the Wind _ ?”

“It had a display of romances, I grabbed a couple.” Merlin watched as they moved through traffic. “They were Christian romances. God guided the couples to each other, no sex. It was all appalling.”

“Awww, you know most people who believe in god, believe he guided them to their true love.”

“Bullshit,” Merlin snapped. He had had this bottled up since he had read them. “God is love, God wants us to love. Blah, blah, blah. God is control, and pain, and bending your knee. His definition of love is fealty. He does not love, he is too big and too small to understand it. He never believed in magic, and love is magic distilled. They mentioned god and faith and purity every fucking other word, that no matter how they loved each other it paled against their love for god. If you are so fortunate as a human to find love, it should pale next to nothing. It should be held and worshiped, and fought for every fucking day. Angels do not love, we do. Not everything we embraced is bad. What the boss does? It is out of love. Love, the weight of it, that is ours, not above's, and fuck god for thinking he plays a part in it.”

There was the sound of thunder in clear sky, and church bells rang as they drove by a catholic building, even though it was no time where they should ring. Merlin just gave a two finger salute to the building.

“Tell us what you really think,” Eggsy said to cut the tension.

“The women in the book, talked about not showing too much skin in public, because it belonged to their husbands and not to the world. Any woman who slut shames another is slowly headed down the path to my division.”

“My wife liked the Courtney Milan that you recommended Merlin,” Ibrahim added.

“I have a few, I’ll give them to you next week,” Merlin offered.

“You are very kind.”

“What are we buying, if not more romance novels?”

“I have five pounds,” Merlin said, that should explain it. It was obvious to him, what books cost five pounds.

“That explains nothing.”

“Yes, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does,” Merlin replied. They pulled up to their next stop, and Merlin was pleased with the new window display at the shop. It was dark and sinister, as all good children’s books should be. He went into the shop, and went right to one shelf on the right.

“This is a kid’s shop,” Eggsy said.

“I know,” Merlin answered as he pulled books off the shelf. “No, has, boring, no. Maybe, maybe, no,” he muttered to himself. Then he spied one. “I am a Monster Truck, yes. I like.” He took it to the front.

“Merlin, find a good one?” the young man asked.

“You know this one too?” Eggsy huffed.

“Hi, you are Eggsy right?” 

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“When he first started coming here, he needed help for what books to buy for a little girl. He said it was his housemate’s sister. He’s bought her so many little golden books. We make sure to get a nice variety in, just because of him.”

Merlin paid a great deal of attention to the pay machine as the man talked about all the books he bought Daisy. It wasn’t a big deal, just if there was extra money after he finished groceries, he came and bought her a book. No big deal at all. It made her happy. Books were magic and should be enjoyed by everyone. 

They left the store, and Eggsy stopped outside. “Merlin, you buy Daisy a book every week?”

“Not every week, sometimes there isn’t grocery money left over,” Merlin replied.

“Are you allowed to be this nice? Like won’t it get you in trouble with your boss?”

“Free will Eggsy. It was what we jumped for, and it is what I am exercising right now. And the boss understands we are more than our job. Really, is all your are, a tailor apprentice and shop boy?”

“Bit different innit?”

Merlin was upset, and he couldn’t explain why. Perhaps it was that Eggsy had messed with his routine. It certainly wasn’t that Eggsy for all his other comments didn’t actually believe in Merlin. That he was more than fire and brimstone. “Yes, you are right. I am a creature of pure evil. Here,” Merlin handed the book to Eggsy. “You give it to her, so that I haven’t contaminated it.” Merlin looked at the car, and couldn’t sit in it with Eggsy yet. He wandered a little down the street, found himself staring at an art supply store window.

He found looking at the colour wheel rather soothing.

“I always wanted to be an artist,” Eggsy said when he came next to him. “But was rubbish at art in school.”

“A rubbish art student is usually the fault of the teacher not the student. They actually have a higher than average rate of ending up with me. Pride. Gets the snobby arsehole ones.”

“I liked pencil crayons, all the colours. One time Mum bought me the big box. Not name brand ones, we didn’t have that money. But box of 48 pencil crayons, wore out all the greens. Loved green. The shade of your one jumper, it was close to that. Silly things, and then well, drawing seemed stupid. Dean said it was stupid.”

“He believes in heaven and hell,” Merlin offered.

“You’ll take care of him personally?”

“You’d have to send me back, unless you intend to die before him?” Merlin had been foolish to think, to hope, he’d stay with Eggsy until Eggsy’s end. They stared at the window. “I’ll take care of him,” he decided to promise. “My best work since Richard the Lion Heart.”

“How the fuck did he end up with you, he’s like a bloody hero.”

“Yes, crusades where you murder people because they worship god different than you is really super awesome.”

“Fair point,” Eggsy said. “And come on, you only are staying so you can be the one to fuck up my soul, and bring it on home.”

Merlin looked at him. “I didn’t stay. You kept me. I am sorry a corruptor tried for you, and it won’t happen again. And if you don’t believe that, if you don't believe me after almost a year, the fucking ouija board is in the damn closet.” Merlin started to walk away, furious, devastated.

“I liked him, and it was all fucking bullshit. Because come on, if he had been human, he wouldn’t have even given me a thought. Those sorts of men, they look at me, no, no that's it - they don’t look at me at all.” Eggsy was hunched in on himself. “I’m only good for the worst.”

“I’m looking at you, Eggsy. And I’m the best.”

Eggsy gave a small laugh, and looked at the Little Golden Book in his hand. “You know, never been told about Daisy getting books from you.”

“That’s because she doesn’t know.” Merlin held his hand out. “Would you like to see?”

Eggsy nodded and they went to the car. Ibrahim drove them to Michelle’s house, even smaller than Eggsy’s. Merlin looked. “Window?”

“Did that two weeks ago,” Ibrahim said. “That bush there.”

Merlin nodded. He got out of the car and rested the book carefully in between a few branches. Ibrahim beeped the horn and then moved the car back a little bit. Michelle and Daisy came out of the house, and Daisy was spinning, jumping. Shouting in glee as she searched. 

“It is a surprise?”

“Books are magic, and she has had few good surprises,” Merlin said. Daisy found the book and shouted. Michelle helped her fetch it out of the bush and they went back inside. “Good. To the last stop, Ibrahim.”

“Of course,” he replied. They drove and the car pulled over. 

“You can wait here, this takes barely a moment,” Merlin said. He stepped out, to just go to the wall of a building and press his hand against it, then return. “Home, please.”

“What was that?” Eggsy asked. He looked around. He recognized the area. He remembered. “That’s where I crashed the car. Dean beating the shit out of me, sure I grassed to the filth, that’s when Mum finally left. Why were you here, what the fuck are you playing at?”

“I am thanking that wall, for saving your life.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t expect you to.” It was an odd ritual Merlin had developed, and he couldn’t stop it if he wanted to.

He didn’t particularly want to.

They were quiet the drive home, and Ibrahim stayed in the car, since Eggsy was there to help unload. “You could tell him you loved him, you know,” Ibrahim pointed out when Eggsy was opening the front door.

“I don’t love him. I...I don’t quite know what I him.”

“You’ll figure it out. See you next week?”

“I’ll have the books for your wife. Remind your daughter to square off her foot more when she kicks the ball.”

“I will.”

Merlin walked into the house, ready to maybe have an important conversation with Eggsy. Only the fucker was putting the groceries away wrong. “Will you stop, that is not where the granola bars go.”

“It is where I always put them.”

“Yes and they haven’t been there for months. They’ve been in the snack cupboard, which I have seen you use!” Merlin wrenched open a cupboard and there was crisps, and fruit leather, all sorts of snacks.

“Sorry,” Eggsy said. “I’ll just...put the bog paper in the bog?”

“Good, you do that,” Merlin said, and started slamming canned goods onto a shelf. It was taking longer than it should to put the bog paper away, Merlin had everything else put away and no Eggsy. He went to the bog, and knocked on the door. “Eggsy?”

“I’m fine. Just...taking a shit. Bye!”

“Are you?”

“Bruv, you just walk away when a man says that.”

“Yes but your voice is too close to the door. Which means you are either lying, or got up mid-shit to tell me that.”

“Okay, fine, I’m not taking a shit. But we have a problem, yeah?”

“What problem, I can call a plumber,” Merlin opened the door. There were towers of bog paper. Almost reaching the ceiling. “I don’t…”

“I couldn’t get the packages to fit, it was a lot of fucking bog paper, and I didn’t want you to get mad again, about me not having been paying attention to everything you do around here, because you are right, I should notice more, and take you out for a nice dinner, let you get dressed up nice, you do so much cooking, and you should know I appreciate all you do. I didn’t want to bother you again, so I was trying to find a solution for all the bog paper.”

“So you stacked fifteen rolls up, single file.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy shifted and the floor creaked and they all came tumbling down. “Fuck me.”

“Oh my god. We are a 50s sitcom. We are Lucy and Desi. All I need is a frilly apron.”

“You already wear an apron.”

“It isn’t gingham with a pretty ruffle. I am absolutely making Harry make me one. What the fuck are we Eggsy?” Merlin sat down on the ground, and became to laugh, utterly helpless to the situation. “You said you needed to take me somewhere I can get dressed up for.”

“I did,” Eggsy sat on the bathroom floor next to him. “Merlin? Never let me come along on errand day again, okay?”

“Indeed.”

“Ibrahim is nice though.” Eggsy leaned against Merlin. “And thank you. For making books magic for Daisy.”

“We have room in the storage cupboard under the stairs if I juggle out the romance novels I am hiding in there.”

“We’ll buy you another shelf,” Eggsy promised.

*********************************************

Next Thursday, Eggsy came home from work with some take away for them. Merlin had agreed that Eggsy was allowed to get them take away on errand day. He appreciated the gesture. He also appreciated the way Eggsy giggled when he saw the frilly apron that Merlin had worn. Harry had even used glitter thread, to make it extra fussy.

“Brilliant, bloody brilliant,” Eggsy said and they enjoyed the curry and Merlin told him about his day out and about. Eggsy told him about cutting a shirt out for the first time, and it was nice. “I’m just going to run up and change, and then kick your arse at Fifa, yeah?”

“You are welcome to try, and to fail,” Merlin said, as he began to clean up the containers.

Eggsy flipped him off and jogged upstairs. On his bed was a set of nice pencil crayons and a sketchbook. He had to sit for a moment, hold the box close. He changed into the tracksuit that Merlin said didn’t make his arse look completely dreadful and stopped at the hall closet. On the top shelf was the ouija board. No matter what he did to it, no matter how many times JB ate it, it was always there the next morning. Waiting. He pulled it off the shelf and sort of knocked on it. “Don’t...I’m…You have to understand...Hope he trained an assistant well, because it is going to be a long fucking time before I’m letting him go home, okay? I need him. More than you. And yeah that might sound crazy, me, one bloke, needing the guy who deals out all the ultimate punishment more than you do. But I do. And he needs me. So just...yeah.” He put the game back, and went downstairs. Merlin had a beer out for them both, and the game ready to go.

They played for an hour and then put the telly on.

“Thanks, yeah?”

Merlin nodded and they didn’t say more. When Eggsy decided to head up to his room he said goodnight and he didn’t know if he was supposed to respond to the way Merlin whispered, “I see you. I look at you.” He didn’t know what he would say if he did. He went up to bed.

In the morning, he opened the closet, and the ouija board wasn’t there.

Eggsy smiled.

Good.

Merlin wasn’t going anywhere.

He might not get it right always, but he saw Merlin too.

*************************************************

The boss locked the ouija board carefully away in his personal cupboard to keep it safe until it was needed. There was a knock on the door, and the boss nodded. His appointment was always on time.

“Omael, good,” the boss said when the man came in. “We have a situation.”

“You are not slashing my budget are you? Invention wing operates lean as it is.”

“No, increase. Kushiel is going to be above for a while and though he had a good assistant, this might be the time to test out some of your machine ideas.”

Omael lit up. “The grey folder plans?”

“Pick three, make some prototypes. We’ll do some testing.”

Omael clapped his hands together. “I’ll build the two machines and the one creature personally. Thanks, Boss. You are the greatest.”

“Always like to make my people happy and you deserve some fun for Slenderman. That was a genius creation.”

“Well, you know,” Omael shrugged. “It has run its course. Thought it would have more staying power than it did, like the Jersey Devil.”

“It served its purpose well. Just one more thing, Omael, you give any thought to that message I sent out?”

“You want all senior staff to practice their human form and pick a name. Don’t know why, I have no interest in above. Not like Kushiel and Miniel.”

“Just a precautionary measure, you know me, I like to keep options open.”

Omael shrugged, focused, and it took a bit but a human form wrapped around him.

“Well that is a lovely human form. What name have you decided fits it?”

“Sean,” he said. “Simple. Feels right.”

“Nice. Go enjoy your prototypes.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

Omael left and the boss went back to his puppy diamond dots picture.


End file.
